The journey over the past 20+ years has been nothing short of miraculous. When we experience a tremendous loss or trauma, the grief is all encompassing. Trying to find your way out is similar to climbing a mountain. It certainly helps to have an experienced guide. I didn't have anyone nearby who had walked in my shoes. The internet was just beginning to pick up momentum so virtual groups were not popular. My husband was a lover of quotes and one day while going through one of his notebooks (just so I wouldn't forget his handwriting) I found a quote scribbled across the page-”Know Thyself”. It felt like a brick hit me in the head. This was it. Digging my way out of this pile of shit named “Grief” wasn't about getting over him. It was about finding myself. I learned mostly through trial and error.(Lots of error) The closer I came to my own truth, the clearer everything became. I was able to see how my entire life was a series of moments that gave me the tools to survive what was the most debilitating pain I had ever felt.
My first spiritual teacher was Lorraine Ellison. She taught me about the power of my “withinity” long before my husband died. She was responsible for planting the seeds of curiosity around the complex nature of being a soul having a human experience.
My saving grace was my therapist, Mariann Pello. She literally saved my life, in the aftermath of 9/11, with simple tools like journaling and teaching me that self care was not the same as selfish.
My next lesson was about “creating a life I love to live” - the idea that I am the co-creator of all my experiences and the meaning they hold thanks to my first Yoga teacher training mentor, Wendy Gross Pinto.
Yoga was more than putting myself into poses. It was where I first learned that emotional trauma is stored in our physical body. The movement combined with our breath allows us to move that energy out of its hiding places increasing our health and vitality. It is also strengthens our connection to divinity - that which lies within and with-out, and with whom we co-create our life. Most recently, I have been learning how to fine tune the way I interact with the Universe around me. I have tapped into my own darkness to step into my power and discover what my personal medicine is. What do I contribute to the world? Tiffany Carole has been my mentor for the past few years. The scope of the knowledge she has shared with me is too plentiful to put into words. She has helped me reach a level of self love that I never knew was possible. It is from this sacred place that my work now flows. I am deeply grateful for all of my teachers and those who have played a role in the formation of this work.
I didn't even know how I would make it through another night without him, never mind creating a whole new way of being. Yet, here I am living a life that I never knew could and would be possible. The best part is this: I am no one special. If I can do this, so can you. I can give you the tools you need. I can help you climb the mountain that has been placed before you, because I have been at the bottom. Let my experience, be the light you have been looking for.
..I would have told you that you were crazy
On Sept 12, 2001 that I would be living a life overflowing with joy and abundance, that I would be telling my story as a means to connect and create a healing community, that my experience would be such potent medicine that it could save lives and that I would be unrecognizable to myself and concurrently more myself than I ever was before, because my heart had been expanded rather than broken into a million little pieces.
If you found yourself here and this speaks to you in any way, please reach out. If you think I am crazy for thinking you can be happy again - PLEASE reach out. If you’re feeling alone and a sense of community is what you need - REACH OUT! Trust in divine timing and the idea that there are no coincidences. A free discovery call will determine which service best suits you.